Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
