Christians are straight up FREAKS
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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