i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
