Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
