do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
