So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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