Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
