Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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