My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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