Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
