and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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