Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
