Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
