I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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