I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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