I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
