I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
