We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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