You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
