just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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