it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize