oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
