How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
