and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You dont lie about slip and slides
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
