If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
birth control should be required to get into college
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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