babies were throwing up all over the place
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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