my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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