I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she peed on how many people?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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