Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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