Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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