you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
