This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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