She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
