I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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