May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
