I could have mohawked her pubes.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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