I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
did you just send me my own nude
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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