it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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