Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
