i don't like sucking hair
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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