Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
