..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
