Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think i have herpe
just one?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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