laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
