how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
