hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
