I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
