i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
