you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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