and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
