i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
