I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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