woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
