Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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