I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
