he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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