Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize