I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
