For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
