Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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