he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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