Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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