Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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