if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
