just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
