We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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