new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize