It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I intend to get homeless drunk
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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