so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
