addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
