I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
