i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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