OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
