Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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