How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
