dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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