Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
