He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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