Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
