my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
