All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
