Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
