Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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