I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
